watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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