I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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