how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
