He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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