mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
