first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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