Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
