How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
