She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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