I want to stick my p in your. b.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
