while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
