sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
