Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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