Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
