I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
