Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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