That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
