**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
