so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's blow job season.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
