My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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