True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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