I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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