Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
