My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
