he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
