Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
