'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
