you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
