$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
