I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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