Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
