Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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