He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
