But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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