South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
