last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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