She is in my trunk
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
