i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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