I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
