His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
