Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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