my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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