I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
