So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i drank out of a bidet.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
