i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
