The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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