I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
smell my finger.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
