he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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