you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
