Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
