Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
