I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize