Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
