I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
