Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sober January is a disaster.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You made out with two different species that night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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