Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know her cup size but not her name....
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