is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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