oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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