I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
