she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
