i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
