it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
