Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
