i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
