Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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