he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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