what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
