i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
