I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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