why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
