So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
