when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize