drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
