I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
