Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
