tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My life is pants optional.
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