he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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